Dear Diary, All They Need To Know Is I'm Shy

Dear Diary,

Recently, some of my friends think that I’m shy or that I hold back and keep things to myself. But the thing is, I’m not shy at all; I’m the complete opposite. I just, find it really hard to trust others; to throw myself off a cliff and expect someone to hold me…

Friend?! What does that even mean?? The definition of that word has turned vague over the years. I got to know a lot of people on this journey I’m on, some who made just a quick stop along the way, while others stuck with me through it all. But life takes its course and decides to send people you love the most to the end of the world while you stay in place. Turns out, you’re just a victim in this existence being sentenced a thousand years; prisoner by reality and you’re not going to get bailed out.

Yet, the universe is in a nonstop motion and the miles keep rolling. The hands on a clock turn in a continuous motion, moments pass and time takes you to a whole new world. And just when life seems fair again - just when you think you have done your time - the universe surrounds you with enemies. My dear friend, you have left prison just to find yourself in the middle of war and on the fire line. You’re an easy target for those around you to aim at and take their best shot.

You come face to face with people that craved for you to lower your shield, which convinced you that they’re on your side; just to find yourself bleeding. You handed them the weapon and ammunition on a silver platter never giving a thought that you’re the one on their hit list.

So yeah, you can say I’m shy. You can say that I have changed and I’m on longer the same. But I’m better off this way; I don’t want to get used or walked over anymore. I've had my share of those people; I have the alibi to be quite. At the end of the day, I know that I’m the only person to depend on; I’m the one to put the pieces of my life back together - ‘I’ am the one that’ll cushion my fall not YOU.

I sit on the ground because the ground is my comfort place. It's easier to remain sitting there, than standing up just to get knocked off again. It's easier to build your own world than opening up just to have another pain to go through, another bandage to remove and another scar to look at that'll just be a reminder of how you have been fooled once more.

Trust is earned never handed away... Maybe someday I'll truly find people that'll lay on the ground with me, that'll fight on my side and win this war for once and for all. I'll have the courage to fall for the last time knowing someone somewhere will open his arms for me. But until then...

I’m shy, and that’s all you need to know about me.

Are you a 'Friend' or an 'Enemy'?!