Dear Diary, Sharing Old Poems

Dear Diary,

Today, a friend came up to me and brought up some old poems I wrote couple of years back. I almost forgot about them. I had them published as notes on Facebook about three or four years ago; and that's how he knew that I had a whole new side of me behind that engineer he knew around campus.

I think I've grown over the years and my points of view have definitely broadened. I no longer have the same style as before. Maybe you'll witness a glimpse of me, but I with no doubt have changed.

I've always loved to write and express my feelings in words, but I've truly wanted this ever since the tenth grade. It was then when I met an enemy whom through him I realized that I wanted to be a better writer. He doesn't know it, but I pretty much owe it to him that I entered the world of writing. He never realized that he drove me to this world... He made me push myself to be proven as a writer and have my words worth reading. It was then when I came to realize that there’s a whole diverse and colorful world in every book, every page and every word we write.

I have come a long way ever since. My writing was a bit limited and all I wrote back then was poems. Just sat in class, fourth table to the right - near the window - and wrote...

Well anyway, I decided to share some of  those poems... (Best of the Worst!)

Without You

(My FIRST poem EVER - Only reason I'm sharing it is because I think it's awful =P )

Each day you make it hard for me to survive 
For you are the torch that keeps me alive 
You get far from my reach everyday 
And my life is the price that i pay 
Seeing you without knowing that your mine 
Aband me from the feeling of being fine 
Knowing that we'll never be together 
Hurts me deeply and makes me suffer 
The fact that things are just not meant to be 
Sucks what's left of life out of me

Untitled:

Was standing on an edge; hanging from a cleft 
High above the ground 

Thoughts were spinning in my head 
Going round and round 

Took a look on the world beneath me 
Stared at the sun that was starting to hide behind the wide sea 

Grabbed my necklace from my pocket and tied it around my neck 
Needed all the power I can get to mend this wreck 

I had a lot to say; I had a lot to share 
Wasn't sure if you were going to care 

My lips weren't ready to murmur what they wanted 
The unspoken had to be put in words if the truth haunted 

As I took another glimpse at the ocean, the sun was gone 
And for some reason I fell into the unknown and started to drown 

Lost the rhythm that made me sway to the music of life 
For without my special dance I only gained grief 

Yet I never had the option to explain; covered it all with an excuse 
Never had the chance to swing; I hope I didn’t lose 

Wasted the chance that I've been given 
But I’ll explain and maybe I’d be forgiven 

And if the sun wasn’t meant to rise and shine 
Then I’ll take my bow and resign 

For then I’ll know that my world is supposed to be all black 
And maybe someday we’ll meet again on a new track 

A Prayer:

Last night was different than many 
The moon was full; the stars were shiny 

Landed my head on my pillow, but couldn’t sleep 
The thought of you made my heart skip a beat 

It was late, started counting the sheep 
But you on my mind drove me to the unending street 

Not a single sound; not even a whisper 
Just my voice calling God; for I’m his loyal worshiper 

Praying so that you’d hear me 
So that you’d actually hear my heart beats 
So that you’d walk next to me 
Where our hands will finally meet 

Praying so that you’d guide me through this journey of mine 
Where the rising sun would sentence my dark world to shine 

Praying so that you’d hear my screams 
And spot on me the sparkling beam 

A beam that would be shed from the holy sky 
Where It would give me the ability to survive and get one last try 

Praying so that you’d be there next to me till eternity 
Where the rays of the golden sun would shine my reality 

Suddenly my eyes came to a rest 
And my heart pumped for the last time 

I guess it should what’s next; I guess it should the end 
Whatever it should, it was a sign 

See, the thought of you not around 
Sends me to a deep sleep with no coming back 
Where my heart would be too weak to survive 
And get back on track 

The day I’ll top thinking about you 
Is the day I close my eyes forever 

New Season:

Everything happens for a reason 
Here comes a new season 

Was this gentle rose that was left in the rain 
From my sparkling bright colors I was drained 

But, here comes a new season; here comes you 
Managed to help me even when you couldn’t turn the sky blue 

Was sentenced to death with every fallen drop 
Got weaker and weaker; almost wasted away. They just wouldn’t stop 

All alone in the wide field. Suddenly found myself circled like a prey 
Too vulnerable to have thorns or a strong shield. Mislaid in the burning hay 

And just when I was about to surrender to centuries of rain 
You came and whipped away all the pain 

You kept me in your arms so tight 
You made everything seem so right 

You saved me from the frozen winter ground 
With your murmuered words or any kind of sound 

Was lost in the dark forest where whispers persuade 
But with your powerful words you made it all fade 

The glory of the day was beneath your sight 
Protected me from above and with your Hazel eyes you won the fight 

The beauty of the night was after each breath you made 
It was something I wasn’t willing to trade 

Here comes a new season. I still stand to this day 
Here comes you. I have become indestructible in every way 

Now, when rain clouds come to play 
I know you’ll be there to chase them away 

I’ll trudge on, hoping the angels will take me home 
Till the end of the road I’m taking is shown 

There I’ll find you rising in full submission 
Where I’ll be confident that what we share has no conditions 
For you’re my guarding angel

Maybe:

Maybe someday we will talk and not just speak
And maybe time will finally bring us to meet

Maybe someday we will feel and not just touch
And maybe life will bring us back

Maybe someday we will listen and not just hear
And maybe I will find myself in your arms so dear

Maybe someday we will stare and not just look
And maybe I will see through you like open doors

Maybe someday my hand will find yours
And maybe our love will forever grapple

Maybe someday you will feel my heart beat
And maybe our agony will soon fade away

Maybe someday we will notice that it didn’t disappear
And maybe it wasn’t strong enough to appear

Maybe someday I will be able to say what’s on my mind
And maybe the reality will figure out the words that we couldn’t find

Maybe someday you will know that my heart beats at the rhythm of yours
And maybe the distance between us will come to an end

Maybe someday you will see that I was never fine
And maybe you will find that I was just speechless in the face of pain

But until that day arrives
I whisper again…Maybe

It's Fate

The walls were closing on me, the light was fading away
Thought I should hold on tight, but I was mislead to the wrong way
Every crack in the wall that the light used to crawl in managed to disappear
Everything was all blurry and fading; it was just mixed up and not clear

No living soul was left down there
Was forgotten all alone, with no one to care
Tied up and left behind in that corner that never witnessed the light
Used to keep on fighting for my survival no matter how much the chains got tight

Sat with my week body on that cold floor
Saw what’s behind the lies like open doors
Took a look on the marks that were done by the chains that almost crashed my wrist
Stared at the scares and blood that were found on my fists 
Deep and unhealed wounds were scattered all over me
Wanted badly to escape, but it was just not meant to be

Lost hope, lost faith; was bleeding to death
Was saying my last words and taking my last breath
Needed to run away and find someplace where I could belong
Was it too much to ask? Was it so wrong?

Spent my sleepless nights trying to figure a way out
Tried to cream out loud, tried to scream and shout 
But I was never heard, I never had a reply
Was left down there to suffer till the day I die

The sharp words crashed around and let me walk in the wrong way
And I’m still lost till this very same day
But now I have given up, I have surrendered to this everlasting pain
I have accepted the fact that I’ll always be held back by a chain 

I don’t want to keep on surviving like this, I don’t want to fight
I just wish I could run away even if it’s for one night
To just for once be able to close my eyes and sleep with nothing on my mind
Is it too much to ask for? Is it too hard to find?

I miss the days of ignorance, but now it’s too late
It’s just how things are meant to work in this world…its Fate

Loving You

(A friend requested a poem that described her story - If you connect the first letter in ever part you'll end up having a name ;) ... That was a part of the request!)

Meeting you was the day I was saved from the dark
Rescued me and carved in my heart a mark

On cold wings you came and saved me
And with your love you set me free

Having you was a wish that came true
Now I can’t imagine loving anyone but you

An angel from heaven that settled on my shoulder
And with your absence I only felt colder

Made it worth living to witness a new day
For you left inside me a print that’ll forever stay

A gift from the heavens, that’s what you truly are
But what hurts me the most is that now we’re far

Darkness came back and took over
And you left me to face it with no shade or a cover

Kisses and hugs were the last thing on your mind, which made it even more real
But in the end, you left me alone in the dark as if you have no heart to feel

How could you forget me so easily and be so heartless
My life revolved around you, and I considered you as a bless

On with hope of getting you back to the grave
For I’ll never give up, and for your true love I’ll always crave

Damage and pain concurred my life after you
And you moved on not having a clue what you were going to leave me threw

On your sweet words and gentle smile I’ll always be addicted
You always surprised me, and your actions were never predicted

Remember me…At least try to
For you left me feeling pain, and I still do

Say something and don’t leave me hanging in a place so dead
Held up so high on a breakable thread

How did we get here? Was it something I did?
Or was it something you said?

Every breath I take without you is harder than the other
For it wounds me sharply and makes me suffer

How could you leave me without even saying goodbye?
As if all we shared was one big lie

A hollow body is what I am after you
Lost in the dark woods waiting for the sky to turn blue

Baring all this pain just to see you one more time
Loving you was hard, loving you was worth it
Loving you was the crime of my life…

Would It?

Would it kill you to tell me the truth
And what's behind every lie
To put me out of my misery
And let my eyes finally dry

Would it kill you to draw a line for the pain I embrace
And give back the smile to my face
To let my wounds heel without leaving a scar
And to let me run away from it all to somewhere far

Would it kill you to block away the sorrow that's here to stay
And with the powerful truth you'd turn things the other way
To shake away the felted fear
And forbid the drop of another tear

Would it kill you to erase every fake truth from my mind
And just let me leave everything behind
To let me take a step forward
And forget the fact that you lied to my face and never said a word

When will that happen
When will it come true
When you tell another lie
And watch me suffer till I die

I can't stand and do nothing 
While you go rip my heart off all over again
To act like nothing is wrong 
And just take a step back and watch you leave another black stain

Don’t you tell me it's for the best and that you care
Cause it's just not fair
It'll only be another lie between us
And another tear in the ocean